cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
