Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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