Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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