Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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