that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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