You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
