i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
