happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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