If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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