you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
