Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
