based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
