Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
