then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
