The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
