something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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