One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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