you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
