he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How does one acquire holy water?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
