just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
