you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
