it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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