that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
