so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
