I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
