i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
