Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
