Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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