new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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