Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
