sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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