Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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