This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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