I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
