you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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