Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
