I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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