so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize