Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Non-Jews are for practice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
