o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
