Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
