im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
