So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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