Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
