What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
