I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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