I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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