she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He shit in the fireplace
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
