God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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