would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
