so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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