I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
even my farts smell like vagina
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
