There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
