My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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