We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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