SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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